Keeping it Lean: the Benefit of Editing

Rob’s feedback after I first read my work at #WatfordWriters still echoes in my ears. PUT IT ON A DIET, KEEP IT LEAN, FORGET THE EXTRA BAGGAGE.

What he meant is that clarity is very important. That doesn't mean economy, but instead keeping your message loud and clear without too much unnecessary padding.

Someone who does this well is Ernest Hemingway. He wrote in a clear and uncluttered way but when he dropped in some words of brilliance, they jumped off the page, given the freedom to shine.

But how do you know what is extraneous and what adds to the atmosphere? This is what I have learned so far:

1. Don’t over explain. Your readers are smart, let them fill in the blanks.
2. Is it important to the plot, or character development? There were scenes I had written early on in the process, perhaps when I thought the story would go one way but it didn’t. They lost their value and needed to be removed or less emphasis put on them.
3. Read aloud and see where you stumble over too many words, or repeat the same thing too often that it becomes jarring.
4. Share with others and see where they get bored or lost.

For a more scientific method, I stumbled across the ‘Hemingway App’. 

It uses an algorithm to highlight the ‘chubby’ parts of your writing. You can use the web version for free. It flags up:

1. Overly long sentences 
2. Adverbs
3. Words or phrases that could be simpler (There is never a reason to select the word 'utilize' over 'use').
4. Passive voice

Here’s an example of applying the above 'lean' theory to a passage from my novel KEPT. I think the second version has more impact, and could perhaps be even slimmer. What do you think?

BEFORE

The bus stopped opposite the driveway and Katharine stepped off. The Lighthouse looked more immense now that she was standing underneath it. Its white trunk was enclosed in a wall of white brick, which had been overrun by ivy and brambles. Either side of her, fields of sunflowers twisted their heads at vulgar angles towards the last of the sun, sucking the last of the light out of the day. She could no longer hear the bus on its winding journey towards the rocky edge of Portland, where nothing but sea lay beyond. A few white brick houses back up the hill were her closest companions. She was alone.

AFTER

She stepped off opposite the driveway. The Lighthouse looked more immense now that she was standing underneath it. A wall, covered in ivy and brambles, enclosed the trunk. Either side of her, fields of sunflowers twisted their heads towards the last of the sun. The drone of the bus faded as it wound towards the rocky edge of Portland. Apart from a few houses back up the hill, she was alone.